Jess Michaels Page 7

  “I loved every moment of the passion we shared.” She gave him a shaky smile. “But I didn’t love him.”

  Hawk shivered. He had never been so hard in all his life as he was now. His cock throbbed, aching to delve into her perfumed heat and rut until she forgot all the nights that she’d spent with other men. Because as much as the images aroused him, the idea of her sharing her body with someone else awakened a jealousy in him he’d never experienced.

  He wanted her to pleasure him alone. To be pleasured by him alone. Unlike Oscar, he wasn’t willing to share. But he did want to introduce her to new ecstasies. Including ones that had nothing to do with sex.

  “The only thing Oscar didn’t do was dominate me,” she said with a pointed glare for Hawk. “He was far kinder than you in that regard.”

  Hawk rose from the bed and tossed his jacket aside. Bianca straightened as she watched him strip the remainder of his clothing off piece by piece.

  He crawled up beside her on the bed and grabbed her waist to slip her beneath his hard, ready body. She let out a little gasp, but didn’t fight.

  “You like it when I dominate you,” he said softly before he nipped her lips.

  “No.” She shook her head, but even as her eyes fluttered shut with pleasure. “I like being in control.”

  “Then why do you strain against me when I hold you down?” Hawk asked, proving his point by pinning her hands over her head. Immediately her pelvis tilted against his and she blushed.

  He dragged the back of his hand down over her collarbone, between the swell of her breasts, then back and forth over the globes until her nipples swelled and darkened with desire.

  “Why do you beg me so sweetly when I won’t let you manage everything?” he asked before he let his hand slip between her legs. As he had suspected, she was still wet from his mouth and the fresh flow of need as she’d told him about her decadent sex life with Oscar.

  “I can make you come like this.” He flicked his wrist, touching her clit in just the right way that her eyes rolled back in her head as she achieved a tiny release.

  “Or like this.” This time he rubbed the head of his cock over her clit. Back and forth, up and down, pressing down with enough pressure that her orgasm increased and she couldn’t hold back a plaintive moan.

  “And that.” He continued to toy with her, never penetrating, but finding new ways to make her come. Each time the orgasm was harder, more intense, until she was panting and writhing.

  “Please, Hawk.” Her voice was small as she strained up against him. “Please. Put your cock in me. I need it.”

  He let his hand glide back up to cup her chin and held her stare evenly. “You need me.”

  Blue eyes flashed with defiance, but her desperation proved more powerful. “Tonight, I need you.”

  He smiled. Despite the fact that he was trying to win her surrender, Hawk loved her rebellious streak. It made her interesting. It made her Bianca. And once he had won her, he would encourage her at every turn.

  But tonight he needed to take her.

  He spread her legs wide, draping one over each of his shoulders. In the vulnerable position, she couldn’t control the pace of their lovemaking. With a sigh, he plunged into her softness. He reveled in the pulse of her inner walls, the way her body stretched to allow him to fill her to capacity.

  When he drew back, she clung to him with humid heat, stroking his cock with her pussy until he thought he’d go mad with waiting. But it was only when her back arched and her cries filled the room that he let go of control and filled her with his seed. A final claim that she was his.

  And if he had his way, she always would be.

  Chapter Seven

  Bianca rung her hands. Despite the warm summer air that blew in through the open window in her father’s parlor, her fingers were ice cold with anxiety.

  When he’d sent word he wanted to see her, Bianca thought of refusing him, but she couldn’t. He was her father. Despite his misguided fears and her own anger, she knew he loved her and she refused to create a permanent estrangement between them by avoiding him. Even though she feared she might be walking into a trap every time she saw him.

  She sent a side glance toward the door, afraid he would walk in with a barrister who would declare her unfit and immediately drag her kicking and screaming to her old bedroom… her prison.

  Unable to control her worry any longer, Bianca jumped to her feet and paced to the window. It overlooked her father’s beautiful gardens. They had always brought her peace, but not today. Today she wondered how soon this house would become her jail cell.

  “Are the rumors true?”

  She spun around as her father stormed into the room and slammed the door behind him, right in the face of their old butler. He didn’t seem to care that every servant in the house was to be privy to their disagreement. Something that proved things had deteriorated a great deal since their last discussion when he had worked to keep their arguments private.

  She forced a smile. “Good morning, Papa, you’re looking well.”

  “Are you living at Lucius Hawkins’ town home?” he asked in a harsh, loud tone that seemed to crackle in the air as if a whip was being snapped.

  Bianca dipped her head. Their new living arrangements had been the talk of London for the last week. For the most part, she didn’t care about the gossip and censure, but seeing the disapproval in her father’s face both angered and pained her.

  She jutted her chin up with defiance. “Yes. I have my reasons, Father.”

  “Your reasons?” he repeated before he slammed a fist down on the top of her mother’s heirloom sideboard. Glass tinkled as it shivered and shook. Bianca had never seen him so angry before. “Don’t talk to me about your reasons! You don’t know the meaning of the word ‘reason’.”

  She shook her head. “Father, it’s my life. I understand you don’t approve of any of this and it hurts me greatly to know what a disappointment I am to you and my brothers. Despite what you may think, I do care for you all very deeply and my last wish would be to bring you pain.”

  His eyes softened. “Then please, Bianca, please. Come home. It is probably too late to salvage what’s left of your reputation here in London, but I could send you to the country. At least you would have your family.”

  She laughed. Didn’t he understand that by forcing this issue, he was going to make her lose everything? Including her family.

  “Papa, I can’t change who I am. I won’t.” She drew a harsh breath. “And you are the last one who should ask me to. After all, you helped make me this way.”

  A heavy, permeating silence filled the room as her father’s face darkened to a deep red. He opened his mouth and shut it wordlessly a few times until she actually took a step toward him in worry.

  Before she reached him, he set his jaw. The implacable glint in his eye stopped her.

  “How dare you imply I have been a party to your shameful decline and decadent lifestyle?”

  She shook her head. For years she had hidden her anger, but now that she was being threatened it bubbled to the surface.

  “No, father, you have been as much a party to the life I lead as I have been.”

  “How?” he barked.

  “You insisted I enter into a marriage with Oscar. You handed me over to a man with such appetites.”

  “I knew nothing of…” Her father blushed and stammered. “His-his appetites or I surely would not have given my innocent daughter over to him.”

  She sighed as her anger fizzled. “But you did turn me over to him. And you cannot blame me for finding a way to survive in my marriage. For finding a way to live, not in horror, but in acceptance. Even pleasure after a time.”

  “Oscar is dead now.”

  She laughed. “Yes, but I am changed irrevocably. My marriage altered me, I couldn’t return to being that ‘innocent’ girl even if I wished to.”

  “You could try!” he cried.

  “No.” She shook her head with a long si
gh. “I won’t go back to having no choices about my own fate.”

  Her father’s eyes filled with exhaustion and suddenly he looked far older than his years.

  “Don’t force my hand, child.” His voice was barely above a whisper.

  With tears pricking her eyes, she crossed to his side and took his rough hand in hers. Suddenly she realized just how much she would lose if she were forced to flee to the Continent. Her family, her home, her friends… and Hawk.

  “Don’t force mine.”

  He reached up to cup her cheek and for a moment she saw the look of pure love she’d always seen as a child. “I could call the bastard out,” he said without any heat in his voice.

  She pursed her lips as she moved away. “Oh, Papa. You would kill another man? You would have me declared unfit and lock me away from the life I’ve chosen to lead? You would do these things and call it protection and love?”

  He nodded emphatically. “Yes! You’re throwing away your life and what’s left of your good name. If you come back here, you could go into seclusion for a few years. Afterward, I would find you a new husband. Someone calm. Suitable.”

  She threw up her hands in utter frustration. “So you would decide my future for me… again? And what if this man you chose was just like Oscar? Or even worse? He could abuse me. He could be cruel where Oscar was simply selfish.”

  Blue fire flashed in the eyes that looked so much like her own. “But you could rejoin society!”

  “I don’t give two figs about society. They talk up their sleeves about me and my life, but they continue to invite me to their parties. They say it’s out of respect to you and my late husband, but in reality it’s because I fascinate them. Even if they refused me, it wouldn’t matter.”

  She picked up her gloves from the table where she’d set them and began to pull them back on finger by finger. “What I have learned in the years since my marriage is that I only have one life. I want to live it, not watch it from my perfect little perch in a sitting room. I cannot allow you or anyone else to dictate who I keep company with and what I do.”

  “Damn it, girl! I can’t let this go on much longer.” He followed her to the door with a sigh of frustration.

  She dipped her head. With everything in her heart and soul, she knew he was motivated by the best of intentions. Yet those intentions would destroy her.

  “Goodbye.”

  Without looking at him, she walked to the foyer door and outside into the sunshine. She barely felt her footman help her inside and the carriage start to rumble. She cast one last glance out the window at her father. He stood on his front veranda, his eyes sad as she pulled away from him.

  The tears she forced herself to hide began to fall, trickling down her cheeks and into the handkerchief she had retrieved from her reticule.

  There were only two men in her life she couldn’t bend to her will. One who wanted to destroy her world, and the one who could save her.

  Wiping her eyes, Bianca tapped on the wall that separated her from her driver. He came to a stop as a footman appeared in the window.

  “Yes, my lady?”

  “Take me to Madame Deville’s,” she ordered as she settled back against the cushioned seat.

  It was time to settle this matter with Hawk for once and for all.

  ***

  It had been a long time since Bianca had been in Madame Clarissa Deville’s Den of Sensuality, but in the years since Oscar’s death, the place hadn’t changed. The décor was still done in red satin and velvet, from the rich wall hangings to the opulent furnishings. Everything was meant to be soft and rich and seductive.

  Clarissa’s ‘girls’ had different faces now, but it seemed they were the same women dressed in negligees and elaborate costumes to fit any gentleman’s fantasy. None of them had the haggard, empty look some women of their profession exhibited. Bianca supposed it was because Madame took good care of her charges.

  Bianca stood in the front parlor waiting for Clarissa and watching a couple in the corner. The gentleman wasn’t particularly handsome, but the swell of his erection that ballooned his trousers was enormous as the beautiful woman on his lap gyrated over him in tiny little circles. Her bosom was almost overflowing from the thin expanse of black lace covering it.

  It was apparent that within moments the two would retire to one of Madame’s bedrooms to finish their transaction, but Bianca was enjoying the show until that moment came.

  The first time Oscar brought her here it had been different. After months of marriage, she had already moved passed the initial shock Oscar’s sexual appetites and demands had caused. She’d come to accept her own sensuality and even enjoy the intense encounters she shared with her husband.

  But here, within these walls, he had pushed her boundaries mercilessly. She had watched the whores with their men and horror had again coursed through her. But Oscar hadn’t allowed her to leave. As she had so many times, she separated her mind from the events around her.

  But Oscar had insisted they bring Clarissa into their bed that night. She had wept. But over many nights she had come to accept the new arrangements. Even though it hurt her to do so. Even though it had broken her heart that she wasn’t enough for the man she called husband.

  Even now she shivered with the memory and the harsh feelings it brought up. The emotions she worked so hard to tamp down and erase. The ones that made her weak.

  “Madame Clarissa will see you now,” the butler said.

  Bianca shook away her troubling thoughts as she followed the man up the stairs. On the way, she passed another gentleman coming down. He was patting his red brow with a handkerchief and looked well satisfied. Obviously Clarissa still knew how to please her clientele.

  The butler opened the door to Clarissa’s chamber and motioned Bianca in.

  “There you are, my dear,” Clarissa said as she came out from behind a changing screen, tying her robe around her waist. “I was so surprised and delighted to hear you were visiting me.”

  Bianca kissed her on each cheek with a smile. “It’s been a long time.”

  “Before Oscar’s death.” Clarissa’s face fell.

  Bianca sighed with a nod. It was no secret the other woman had cared deeply for Oscar. Sometimes Bianca wondered if she’d been a little in love with him.

  “I wish you had come to his funeral,” Bianca said as Clarissa sat down at a mirrored table and began to wash away her smeared make-up. “He would have liked you to be there.”

  Clarissa smiled sadly. “Come, my dear. You and I know a gentleman may play in my world, but I must never invade his. My coming would have caused a terrible scene.” She paused. “I did go visit his grave later. I hope you don’t mind.”

  Bianca reached out to touch Clarissa’s shoulder and their eyes met in the mirror. “Of course not. I’m glad you did.”

  Clarissa tossed her a warm smile, then went back to her work. “Now why did you come? I can see by your eyes that this isn’t simply a call to reminisce with an old friend.”

  Bianca laughed as she sank down into one of Clarissa’s deep, cushy chairs. “I admit, I’ve come to ask for your advice.”

  Clarissa spun to face Bianca. Her eyes were wide and her mouth dipped open. “You, ask my advice? Well, this is interesting. Not only were you one of the most sensual women who ever came into my establishment, but I’ve heard a great deal about your escapades since you came out of mourning.”

  She shrugged. “Normally I haven’t required any expert advice. But I’ve become involved with a man who is difficult to tame. I’ve been struggling to bend him to my will.”

  “Ha!” Her friend shook her head. “I doubt that. No man wouldn’t bend to your will. I think you could have made even Oscar come to heel if you’d put much effort into the exercise.”

  Bianca folded her arms. “This is no ordinary man. It’s Lucius Hawkins.”

  Clarissa’s eyes widened to an almost painful looking degree and for a long time she was silent. Then she let out her brea
th in a long whistle. “By God, you do pick well. First Oscar and then his best friend. Hawk is one of the most talented bed partners…”

  She forced a smile, but an increasingly strong flash of jealousy surprised Bianca. She’d actually shared her husband with this woman and though she had felt pain, it had never been the pangs of jealousy, but inadequacy. Eventually, she actually enjoyed watching Oscar take Clarissa.

  But knowing the courtesan had taken Hawk to her bed made Bianca want to slap her. It was such a powerful reaction it surprised her.

  “Yes, he’s quite talented,” she managed through clenched teeth. “But how do I tame him? I need him to be desperate. He must beg for me, be obsessed to me.”

  “Hawk? Good luck.”

  Bianca pursed her lips. Her ire about this situation was steadily increasing. She couldn’t explain her powerful reaction to Clarissa’s intimate knowledge. She had purged jealousy and possessiveness from her nature. Why she felt them when it came to Hawk was beyond her.

  “Well, your faith in me is heartwarming,” she snapped. “The questions is, can you help me if you’re such an expert in men and Hawk in particular?”

  Clarissa got to her feet and arched an eyebrow at Bianca’s tone. She examined her face with a little smile that made Bianca’s heart race. Then she shrugged.

  “The only way to make a man that powerful become desperate is to take away his control. His control is tied to his physical strength and ability to dominate you. Steal that strength and he’ll be at your mercy.”

  Bianca’s heart raced as she thought of how often Hawk had dominated her. Time and time again, he had taken her carefully cultivated power, then used it to draw secrets from her. To stoke emotions she was better off never feeling again.

  She had to regain that advantage. Not just for the bet, but for her own sanity.

  “How?” she murmured.

  Clarissa crossed her room to a bureau by her door. She opened the bottom drawer and pulled out four long, velvet ropes. Dangling them out toward Bianca, she asked, “Did you and Oscar ever play at bondage games?”